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(4 Smiles | Guided by the light of the sun...)

Holy Smokes! [24 Nov 2008|06:50pm]
[ mood | ecstatic ]

Its been a while hasn't it. A lot has changed too, or I think so. I love it, I love Jesus, and how much He has changed me and my life.
Here's some of the things that God has changed recently...

I've removed all my facial and body piercings- that's right, now I only have my ear piercings. I felt convicted to remove them because I was so dependent upon my pericings in the last. I needed them to make me feel secure, and confident. But that's not the case anymore. They had become an eyesore, and every time I looked in the mirror, they were extremely noticeable- in a negative way. I'm no longer dependent on them, and no longer wanted them to be a part of me. Having them created a conflict, it was either I sacrifice my faith for my piercings, or my piercings for my faith. So I took them out. I'm much happier now, and without them. I feel more whole and complete as a person and Christian without my piercings than I did with them.  

I've made the decision to be celibate until I get married (if I do)- Having marred that part of myself years before becoming a Christian, and knowing how significant purity and wholeness are, it was a a huge pitfall, and snare that I overcame. My mind used to run itself in helplessly anxious circles. Thinking of the possibility of, "What if I meet  and fall in love with an amazing Christian guy, and then when I tell him that I'm no longer a virgin, it ruins everything between us..." Once again the conviction of my past mistakes compelled me to spur on this change. I rest in this decision of mine, I know its one that Jesus wants for me.

I renounced my entire secular past- Jesus had put it firmly in my heart that the only way I could find rest in him, and continue to grow in my faith was by doing this. When the children's pastor mentioned the possibility of renouncing my past, it instantly sparked something within me. About a week before I met with her again to renounce my past, Jesus gave me the word "Genesis". I renounced everything. Things as seemingly unimportant as my past of body modification, to things that had eaten me alive and tore at me since they had occurred (I'm not mentioning them here though). It was actually in renouncing my secular life that birthed the conviction of remain celibate, and to remove my piercings.

My life has undergone a huge genesis since all this has happened to me. My life, and own self is in a very dramatic refining process. I thank God for all the changes he's making in me and my life, and all the changes and construction yet to come. I'm growing up in faith, and love it, and love Jesus for choosing me to experience this all.

"To live in the Holy Spirit is to change." - Celebration of Discipline.

(Guided by the light of the sun...)

Best. Canada. Day. Ever. [02 Jul 2008|03:12pm]
[ mood | just a lil excitable right now ]

My yesterday was soooooooooo awesome!!! 

But really the story starts last Thursday...Collapse )
I wake up, get ready and then relax while waiting for Rick to call. But...around 11am I was getting reeeeeally overheated because of the sun so I thought to myself, "Screw this, I'm inviting him to come swimming at my house." Victory! He comes over, we swim and then head over to Granville Island to meet his cousin Paul, and Paul's fiance, Sara. But...the Ironworkers was closed becasue of a "police inciddent" so we had to back track, head over to the Loin's Gate. But! Because of the other bridge being closed, the traffic was awful- haha I think Paul called us like 4 times in a matter of a half hour. lol. We get to Granville Island, walk around some, get a coffee and gelato with Paul and Sara. Then we head over to GM Place. The worship festival was AMAZING! AMAZING!!!! Gaaaaah! I can't stop thinking about how awesome it was, and how awesome God is! GOD IS SOOOOOOOOOO AWESOME! There were different worship bands and dancers; pastors praying over Canada; video taped testimony of formerly drug addicted people who are now clean, sober and God-loving, passionate Christians; and a pastor/leader of the organization HopeVancouver who was a guest speaker. Then afterwards, another organization called Dollar A Day said there was going to be a walk over to Pigeon Park and they invited whoever wanted to come along to line the streets of around the area with Sparklers, and worship God. So we did that too! Soooo great, so much fun. GOD IS SO AWESOME!!!!!!!! Eeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

And to top off all this amazingness...if the day wasn't glorious enough! On the car ride back, Rick and I were singing along with worship songs. And the fact, the simple fact that I was singing worship songs with Rick in his truck while driving without feeling like a total idiot, the fact that it was so natural- just two God-loving people singing worship...fills me with joy. Seriously. 

(Guided by the light of the sun...)

Plans are unfolding... [11 Jun 2008|01:18pm]
[ mood | curious ]

Last weekend I went camping with my youth group from church. It was so much fun, and even though it was rainy for parts of it- the weather didn't hinder the trip. Already I feel way more connected to God and to the people in my group as well. I know I still have a long way to go on this journey in my new life and faith- a long, long, looong way. But I'm fine with that. All life is, is a growing period. Even after we stop growing physcially we're still growing mentally and emotionally (and in my case spiritually with my faith as well). When I try to think back to my life before Christ saved me, it seems like a huge blur in my memory. I feel I am a better person in many ways compared to how I was before this huge change occurred. 

The other day (before the camping trip) I did something that I porabably wouldn't have done if I were still living according to the ways of the world, instead of the ways of God. The Sunday after the baptism service one of the guys from my group (who had been baptized in that recent service) had this brilliant white light all around him. To me it was very noticable that the light wasn't caused by the sun, or the lighting in the church. I was definate that it was God's light shining down on him. Later that week, I sent him a message and told him how I noticed God's light around him the Sunday prior. Another couple of days went by, then I got a reply to the message I sent him saying that he had read a scripture in The Bible that reminded him of me. It was all about how God's children are the salt and light of the world. A lamp isn't lit than put under a bowl, its put on a post so the light can spread. Just as this is true, God's people are like salt. If the salt loses its salty flavour than it becomes useless. Basically, God's people are meant to spread the love of God and the Word, and their experiences and not keep them all to themselves in secrecy. 

It just made me happy to know that I was able to share that with this guy, and to have it acknowledged in me, in return. 

Love you all. God Bless.

(Guided by the light of the sun...)

[15 May 2008|10:07am]
[ mood | i like funny hats...lol ]

I'm so glad today is Thursday because it means that I am going to my Christian group after work tonight, and its exactly what I need after the last two days I've had. I won't go into too much detail but the gist of what happened is that Sam is not coming over this weekend anymore and I don't know when he might be either. I've been really dence and blind to how selfish I've been acting towards him coming over, and I realzied this all too late as now he is really upset with me. I don't think anything I say can change his feelings either. I've already said all I can about it. 

Even though I have that to worry and fret over now, all my other plans for this weekend are happening. Group tonight, gym tomorrow, shopping Saturday, and church and swing dancing on Sunday. Today I'm wearing the new shoes I just bought, and they're so comfy and pretty. I've gotten a lot of compliments on them so far today. I also got my 3 month preformance review for how I've been doing at work. My supervisor only had good things to say. Basically my work is way above average, and everyone loves me- so that's reasurring to hear. I really want to stay on at this job.

(Guided by the light of the sun...)

*squeee* [13 May 2008|02:09pm]
[ mood | excited ]

I've decided to start to dress more girly, instead of just wearing jeans, t-shirts and sneakers all the time. I mean I already do my hair, and wear makeup but I don't feel its enough. When I wear nice classy (for lack of a better word...no offence to anyone here, or otherwise is intended, and sorry if it did) I feel more confident and better about myself. Its just this first step I have to get passed. The actual "transition."

I am sooo
(that's exagerated 'o''s and italicized!) excited for this weekend!! I may turn out to be crazy busy but its going to be great. And for me the fun starts on Thursday even! woot. Here's what's going down:

Thursday, I work until 5pm. I go home, eat dinner and then head up to my Chirstian group. I'm there from 7:30pm - 10:30/11pm, and while there I get to talk and hang out with other Christians around my age. We're also in the middle of a book study, that's all about living your life true to who you really are and true to how God created you to be. It closes with worship. I love it. Then I go home and sleep. lol.
Friday, I once again work until 5pm. I'm going to go straight from work to the gym, and work out for about an hour. Afterwards, I walk home because its close enough and its a good way to keep myself grounded, apart from the work out itself. Then I go home, eat, and hang out for the rest of the night.
Saturday, I want to go clothes shopping to try to start off my new way of dressing. 
Sunday, I go to church in the morning, then...SAM ARRIVES IN TOWN!! Eeeeeee! ^_^ So for the rest of the day and Monday too I will be with him. I'm so, so, so excited to see him again. Its been nearly a year and both of us agree that we never had a reason to stop talking to one another, or hanging out in person. Its going to be great to have him over for the weekend. And on Sunday night we're going swing dancing with my friends from my Christian group! .... eeee....i can't wait. x3

(5 Smiles | Guided by the light of the sun...)

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!....ok I feel better now. [05 May 2008|12:18pm]
I feel like going off into some remote corner of the world and screaming at the top of my lungs. \

For whatever reason I've been furstrated with life lately. Its not an intense in-my-face type of feeling- more like its just hanging out in the shadows of my mind and lingering in a subtle, yet deep rooted way. Maybe something huge is about to happen in my life or somthing. Usually, before something monumental happens to me (faith -based or not) I feel a lot of frustration and just down in general. Like some unnamable force of darkness is looming over my shoulder telling me that everything is uesless, in an attempt to sway me from thinking optimistically.  

Its so annoying.

(Guided by the light of the sun...)

Imma snob...lulz! [29 Apr 2008|12:43pm]
Since I found out about the possibility that I may have gallstones, I have been drinking a lot more tea. And by a lot I mean, over the weekend I spent around $80 buying 11 different loose-leaf teas from Jackie at the Blue Teapot. I absolutely love Rooibos teas, and they help my ever-so fickle and easily upsetable stomach way more than the prescribed antacids I have do. Loose-leaf teas have so much more flavour to them than bagged teas do, and the flavour is so rich as well. I love the fact that they're all organic too. ^_^ 

Haha, I've become a tea snob though, and I doubt if I'll ever be able to enjoy bagged teas as much as I used to. For example, I bought a bagged Rooibos Vanilla tea from London Drugs on my coffee break, thinking I could keep it at work. But ever after steeping it for 7 minutes
(Rooibos teas are supposed to be steeped for 5-7 minutes) I still could hardly taste the flavour. I'm thinking I'll have to start putting two tea bags in my cups of tea if I drink tea that comes already bagged. 

Makes me laugh thinking talking about tea snobbery. *snorffle* "snobbery" is a funny word.

[Edit 4:55pm: I just thought of an awesome comparison. lol. Drinking loose leaf tea is like living in the Light of God, once you've stepped into the Light, you never go back. Because that's just crazy talk. Why go back to the worse thing when you've expereinced something waaaaaay better?]

(Guided by the light of the sun...)

Yaaaawn [16 Apr 2008|08:44am]
[ mood | lethargic ]

I'm still tired today, just not as much as I was yesterday. Yesterday was bad, I had this really eerily realistic dream the night before, and it was really distressing. It was one of those dreams that you wish you didn't remember and then when you wake up, you're very thankful that you did. Then, on my coffee break I had to go and get a mocha with 4 shots of espresso in it just so I'd be able to function. Today isn't looking much better so far, and this weather isn't helping. 
I forgot to turn the coffee pot on after I woke up so I haven't had any coffee yet today, and now I'm drinking a London Fog, which will most likely make me more sleepy. I've been staying up later than I usually do to...I can't help that though, or...I mean I can, but don't want to. =3
I'll keep that reason to myself. I am going to the gym after work today though, I think that'll help my mood- I'm in a "blah" mind set right now. 

I've decided not to continue going to Alpha on Wednesdays at my church. They're only showing the first half of the videos, and its the half I've already seen. Its meant for and directed towards people still searching for a high power, not people who have already found God. A lot of the discussion question don't pertain to me: "After watching this video, do you believe more so that Jesus Christ is a real person?" I know he's real, and even before I was a Christian I knew Jesus is a real man. Back then I just questioned his revelence in my life. If you were to offer me the choice of a limitless amount of renewing wealth in exchange for my freedom through my faith in Jesus Christ, I'd tell you to keep your money. I serve only one, and that one is God.

(2 Smiles | Guided by the light of the sun...)

Hmm.. [11 Apr 2008|09:11am]
[ mood | indescribable ]

Last night was a lot of fun at the Young Adults group. It was a fondue and game night. One of the girl's was able to bring over the church's Wii so we were all playing it. Then there was a cheese and chocolate fondue as well. 
I have a lot of fun when I go, but I can't help but feeling like an outsider. Its probably because I've only gone to the group twice now, and I still don't know the people at my group that well. I mean I laugh and joke with them, I played Wii Bowling with them...but I still feel this gap between me and them. Keeping me from becoming close friends with them. I don't know why. I'd love you befriend them all, God knows I need more close Christians friends. I feel like its more difficult for me to connect with people my own age who are Christians, than I do with people my age who are secular.

(Guided by the light of the sun...)

[09 Apr 2008|09:00am]
[ mood | content ]

Last night I bused straight from work to the gym and worked out for an hour. I've always loved going, and I always question why I didn't keep it up to begin with. I find going to the gym and working out really theraputic, if I'm stressed or if my mind is swimming- when I work out everything disappears from my mind and all that's left is concentrating on the work out. I have no reason not to go the gym anymore because my work pays for my membership.  I was kind of surprised when I woke up this morning with minimal muscle pain...but then I think it usally doesn't kick in until a couple days after the work out. This means tomorrow is going to be an interesting day for me. I embrace the muscle tension that's caused by working out though because I know its a positive pain, and it means things are adapting and I'm on the right track. My gym times are sparadic at the moment though, because I'm also doing Alpha on Wednesdays and Young Adult Group on Thursdays. This leaves me with Monday, Tuesday and Friday to work out. I'd like to maintain going 3 times a week, and because I didn't go to the gym on Monday- I'll probably go on Saturday instead. Once Aplha is over, I'll start to go on Wednesday, and the times I go will be more evenly spaced out. 

I have a feeling that this is a really boring entry ... "blah, blah, blah."

(Guided by the light of the sun...)

Typical case of "the Mondays." [07 Apr 2008|11:07am]
[ mood | entertained ]

So far today has turned out to be just as the subject header of this LJ reads, a typical Monday. I woke up today with stiff, aching ribs, back and stomach muscles because on Saturday night I had a severe case of food poisening, or the stomach flu, or something because I was up until 6am vometting into the toilet. Luckily, my stomach is better and its just my torso now that's in pain. On top of the ow factor it was pouring rain this morning, and it still is. Boo! Though, I made myself a to-go mug of coffee for on-route to work I completely forgot it when I was rushing out the door- I'm just about to walk down the trail to the bus stop when I hear, "Robin!!!!" I turn around to see my mom running after me, without a coat on and my coffee in her hand. I love my mom, running after me in the pouring rain just to give me my coffee. <3 I'm at the end of the trail, coffee in hand and I see my bus go by- so I sprint for it, and luckily I manage to catch it as its going around the corner to the bus stop. Then to finish off all the craziness for now I was in a call with someone at work, and all the phones in the department I work in simultaneously die. Along with my internet connection and my work email access. 

But as you can tell, since then its all been fixed. I wonder what else is going to happen today. And I guess its not a total case of the Mondays because despite all this madness happening, its all worked itself out.  I can't complain, I just find it amusing. 

I also have new, sexy hair now. Short, graduated bob and died a deep red with lighter red high lights. ^_^

(Guided by the light of the sun...)

I love it, I feel so revitalized! [03 Apr 2008|09:05am]
Last night was excatly what I needed to kick my spiritual faith into high gear. My chruch is hosting the Alpha Course, which is a dinner and video session that introduces people to and talks about Christianity, and Jesus. I had already started watching the videos a couple months ago with Connor, Eric and Marcel (the Youth Pastor) at my church, but never actually finished watching them because I started my job. Being that I'm partaking in Alpha with a lot of other people, most of which I don't know, it'll give me the chance to meet more people at my chruch and also talk to poeple more openly about Jesus. I sat at a table with one of the other Youth Pastors, Mel and a girl who attends my chruch, Edina, who is my age. It was a great experience, and it also opened up another door for me as well- Both Edina and Mel were telling me that I should check out the Young Adults cel group, which is actually on tonight. Its been going on for about a month now, but I was still apart of Lorne and Celeste's cel group. Mel and Edina totally pep talked me into going to the Young Adults group tonight, and so I am. Its from 7:30-10:30/45pm... I'm really looking foreward to all these new changes, and being able to dive right in. 

I also all of a sudden, I have a lot of faith-based reading to do too. I actually think I may have to create some sort of reading schedule for myself:

* 6:30am- Wake up and read Our Daily Bread
* 7:30am- Read Walking in Freedom on the bus to work.
* Lunch- Read The Year of Living Biblically/True Faced
(if its Thursday...I don't actually have the book yet, but its the one being talked about at the Young Adults group right now, so I'm going to pick it up after work.)
* 5:00pm- Read The Year of Living Biblically on the bus ride home.
* In bed- Read some of The Bible

Something like that, of course I'm not going to follow it strickly, its more of a rough outline if I want to keep up this streak of reading a lot. I also plan on buying myself a gym pass this weekend. If all of this goes through as planned, than I'm going to be very busy very soon...or atleast for the next 6 weeks
(because that's how long Alpha is on for).

(Guided by the light of the sun...)

She hasn't even been back an entire day yet, and all she can do is complain... [31 Mar 2008|05:09pm]
[ mood | distressed ]

...sometimes it seems like my mom really, trully hates her life at home...

(1 Smile | Guided by the light of the sun...)

One flew over the coo-coo's nest... [28 Mar 2008|03:18pm]

It was so difficult for me to get out of bed this morning. I think last night was the first night in a while that I slept all the way through. Usually I wake up through out the night and start to check my clock to make sure I haven't over slept or anything. 

I had this strange dream last night, with strange unknown people in it. Some of the parts I remember most clearly were when I was walking along this undercover walkway with some guys, who in my dream were close friends
(but I don't know at all or have ever seen in real life). Then there was another part of the dream where we were all hanging out in this hottub, and I decided I wanted to rest my head on one of their stomachs, then thought to myself, "I'm going to end up inhaling water." The last part I remember...was one of them handing me a nail file, "Do you want me to clip my toenails or something?" I asked. "No, I want you to clip mine." Now as odd as this is in real life, it didn't seem to phase me in dreamland. 

I think its funny the crazy stuff our subconscious minds think up, being as we have no control over them. Funny dream- yes, bizzarre dream- defiantely....hidden meaning- highly doubtful. 

Though I do tend to have repeat dreams.

(5 Smiles | Guided by the light of the sun...)

[09 Jan 2008|12:53am]
[ mood | peaceful ]

So  early last week I had an interview for Escents in Park Royal, than a couple days ago I had the 2nd interview. But alas, I found out today that I didn't get the job. Oh well, I'm not upset about it at all actually. I mean it would have been nice because I'm tired of being unemployed and it paid more than $8.00 an hour. But then again, I wanted something more career-based anyways, and hopefully *fingers crossed* that pays well enough for me to be able to move out and not be on the verge of extreme poverty....I mean what's the point of moving out if doing so chains you down because you can barely afford it. I think living that way is kind of redundant, if you ask me.

Tomorrow I may apply again at some other places. I think I'll start looking for office type jobs. 

In other news....I added this application to my facebook account called Zoosk. Its basically a seperate little thing where you and other single from your area can message eachother back and forth and whatnot. Well I added it, not really thinking anything of it at all. Just for fun right? Its not like I'm an 11 on the scale of 1-10 in the physical attraction catagory. (Not to put myself down, I don't think I'm ugly or anything. But lets be honest.) Anyways, so I add Zoosk, and for the first few days nothing really happens, and like I said...whatever, right? I don't really care....Then all of a sudden I get all these messages, and it honestly caught me totally by surpirse.

I met a guy from Zoosk tonight for coffee down at the Quay, and (at least) I had a great time talking. I'm not expecting any of this to go anywhere though, with any of them. Its still fun for me. But then....only God knows what will come of all this. In any case, its a nice feeling to know that people find you attractive. And I like the idea of meeting new friends.

(1 Smile | Guided by the light of the sun...)

Its Official... [01 Jan 2008|02:05pm]
I'm going crazy, its official. Its the new year- fresh start. Here I am, still house sitting. I don't have a job, and I'm really really itching to buy a pet corn snake. I've been looking into it for the last week or so and I really want one. I'm going crazy. I have a feeling though that I'll probably have to move out first This means I have to find a well paying job, and move out all before I can buy one. Aaaaah- total maddess in my head.

(Guided by the light of the sun...)

[24 Dec 2007|10:26pm]


I <3 YOU ALL!!!!

(Guided by the light of the sun...)

Something to Ponder [23 Dec 2007|06:42pm]
I think ever since I opened my heart to Jesus, I've become more emotion-filled. Not to be confused with emotional.  I cry easier, both with happiness and sadness. I also feel more receiptive to other people's emtions and feelings too, I'm not even attempting to "receive" other peoples emotions or feelings, and it seems to be more frequent with strangers.  I don't know what to think of all this, maybe its just my imagination- or perhaps as I think it is- God's Holy Spirit setting a passionate blaze inside my heart.

(Guided by the light of the sun...)

Big time change [18 Dec 2007|10:26am]
[ mood | content ]

I've decided that I'm going to go away to Holland for an indifinitive amount of time come the summer of 2008. I want to be there for at least a month, than depending on how fast I find a job and a place to stay, I'll just i dunno....not come back.

I have a lot of friends here in Vancouver, and my parents and grandpa are in BC too. But i really feel like I need to get out of Canada for a while, or for ever.  I mean I have citizenship for Holland, so its a waste that I don't use it, I think. It'll be good for me. In any case, before I go I still need to save up enough money for the one way ticket, and enough money to survive before I get a job. 

(Guided by the light of the sun...)

I have wireless interwebs now... [27 Nov 2007|11:46pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

<unrelated entry>

I came to realize sometime last week ; I am most likely not going to be in another relationship for a while. I mean, apart from needing time to be single again, I really don't have the time or energy to actually go out and look for love. I will soon be working the norm of Monday - Friday from 9:30am - 5:30pm. (That means I don't get home until around 7pm every night.)  My job leaves me feeling really mentally tired every day, so the last thing I want to do is go out again and expend even more energy. 

Other than that....I'm not at all a party person, and I and my life has changed a lot in the last several months, which plays a really large roll in the type of guy I want to be involved with. (I have a feeling the type of guy I'm looking for is hard to find...)

I'm such a home-body, the only time I really go out is if its a prearranged meeting with a friend or something. 

WoW is sucking up a lot of time time too...I have a love/hate interest in it. I say I suck at it = death in-game = frustration. ...But its just so addicting.. Gaah.

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